Lately I’ve trapped my words in a notebook of blue green swirls. Looking at it I get seasick. The brown leather spine clashes. When Judith comes round to get me to force her to study, I hide it behind the bookshelf.
(We both write about notebooks. Great minds think alike. That is no lie.)
She says, not [...]

On a train again, only this time no saying hello or goodbye, but shopping with my sister. I’m sitting with my back facing the front of the train. I hate moving backwards like this, but it’s the only seat in the carriage and my feet refuse to take me past the elbows and suitcases and [...]

Yesterday I mopped up the tears of a girl I barely know. I catch her flicking glances over at me in every class we have together. She wears black fitted tops and black and white striped tights and long floaty skirts, which she tells me she buys for two pounds at a little store called [...]

I’d been there for a good half an hour, wrapped up in a striped blue fleece, hands molded around a steaming mug of dubious berry infusion tea, before the glaring white bathroom light of the adjacent house flickered on once, twice. I was sitting, abject and dejected, under the slant of the roof, deep into [...]

I have nerves gnawing at my fingertips, and a pit lying heavy in my stomach. It is there, a pendulous black cloud on the periphery of vision. It is there, but hard to pinpoint.
Always when it gets to the day before, my pendulum mind swings between two extremes, the one ending with a white meringue [...]

Goddamn Thursdays.
Goddamn rain pounding onto attic window at 4AM.
Goddamn couples kissing in glass corridors, snaked around each other, faces frantically meshed together.
Goddamn insufferably immaculate red-haired witches with perfect round breasts, ringlets, answers to all asked questions. The unasked ones also.
Goddamn hunger and body and goddamn not just BEING.

How do I explain this?
I am running on battery power.
Occassionally, when I am with other people (never when I am alone) the man in the controls room plugs me into the mains, and I dance inside. Talk nine to the dozen, come across as funny and interesting and deep, flick my hair at the appropriate [...]

The sun is shining, the Stereophonics are serenading me about some waitress with first-day blues, and being nothing precious at all. I’m on holiday, technically; no college for five more week. I’ve almost had five weeks off already.
Bored doesn’t come close. Inactivity is driving me totally crazy. This is the first time in over two [...]