There will always be inside me an unquenchable, unkillable, irrepressable, eternally prevailing sparkle of niceness. I know. I have tried and failed so many times to kill it.

This is why I will never be that serious chain smoker I might possibly become if I didn’t encounter with every lighting up the gaping jaws of those who look to me as if they were born with a cigarette hanging from their lips. (You SMOKE? But you’re so… NICE!)

This is why I will always and forever be that one bringing the projectile vomiters at parties buckets and wet flannels, holding back hair.

This is why I apologise to walls when I walk into them.

Lamp posts also.

This is why I will never dye my hair Sonic Green.